On Joining A Community

I have been dreading writing this post and I've had a hard time pinpointing why. I think I have come up with an answer. I hope.

Some of my "five loyal readers" might remember at the beginning of the month when I posted that The High Calling was hosting a contest for free registration to their Writers' Retreat. To enter the contest, you had to be a member of The High Calling community. Registration is easy, so I did that. Then you had to write a blog post about why you need to be at that retreat, which I did. They also suggest that one should display The High Calling badge on their blog. Thankfully, I'm proficient enough to make that happen on my blog. I followed the rest of the instructions on sharing my blog post to enter the contest. Voila! I was done.

The contest winner was announced the following day (I had waited until the very last minute to join). The winner - whose name I think is Kathy - is from the same area I live in. I'll have to catch up with her now that I know she exists! Even though I did not win the contest, several lovely people made it possible for me to go to the Writers' Retreat. In fact, I'm leaving in a few hours for the retreat and I am nervous, excited, and nervous. Or is it excited, nervous, and excited? I'm not sure...

It's Not An Event - It's A Process

What was I thinking? Really - what was I thinking? Did I expect that I would just tell my truth and then everything would be all better? We all came together as a community for Tamara's project and it was so awesome to know we weren't alone. But...

But the Father of Lies...he was not happy with us trying to walk down the path of healing together...or at least he sure didn't want me on that path... So in the midst of trying to heal and hear God's voice, I end up in the middle of spiritual warfare. This is what makes me not want to tell my truth sometimes. I know - I know - that the attack is going to come. The lies are going to start pouring into my head. And I think, maybe if I sit really still and don't say anything, he will leave me alone. He might, you know. But then I will have been immobilized. Isn't that what the enemy wants?

As I read the essays in the Community Collection, the little voices started. "You thought you told your truth, Carolyn? Well what about..." "Did you forget exactly how soiled you really are? What do you think this will accomplish?" Faces started to flash in my mind. Faces of ones I had tried to forget. Faces of the ones that I still try to protect and say that it was all my fault. Faces of the ones who are Facebook friends so I stay silent for fear of an attack. It's so easy to tell myself that since I had a part in it that I should just take the full blame. I gave away my innocence and gained culpability. It's so easy to believe the lies.

What Is A Girl Worth?

So my new friend Tamara asked in a blog post the other day, “What is a girl worth?” I think the essay merits the effort for you to run over there and read it right quick. Now Tamara is asking her blogging friends to write their own posts in response to her questions, What’s a girl [or woman] worth? and/or Have you ever struggled to believe what you’re worth when God and the world disagree?

As to the worth of any female, I could preach a right fine sermon on the worth of any child of God and how we should all treat each other as treasures. In fact, I published a post this week on how we should not treat each other in ways that would make one feel small. I could quote Bible verses and psychology texts about how women/girls should be valued.

But does my life look like I believe it?