There and Back Again - Father

When I was a child, I was very shy. I do not recall there being a reason - I was just a little nervous and withdrawn. When I was out in public, I stuck fairly close to my Mom, or some other family member if she was not available. I remember hearing the words "clingy" and "scaredy cat" connected to my name. I hated the labels, but that was not enough to cure me of being bashful.

One Sunday after church, I got separated from Mom and my brother. I could not remember where the car was parked, so I decided that I had better hang on to Dad's hand while we were in the large crowd that had meandered out into the foyer. We stood in one place for a few minutes while Dad talked to some other men. I was not much taller than knee-level on most adults at that point, so the scenery was not great. I was getting tired of counting the buttons on suit coats and I looked up at Dad to ask if we could go. That was when the fear really hit me. This man who held my hand in his was not my Dad. Where was Dad? Why was this man wearing the same suit as Dad? How did I get switched up like that? How was I going to find anyone I recognized?

There and Back Again - Grab Bag

Things are not as they should be with me. Things are not as they should be in my marriage. Things are not as they should be in my family. I am worn down from it all and filled with sorrow. Below is what I prepared last night, but I am adding this beginning paragraph this morning in order to tell you that I covet your prayers. I would beg for them if I had the energy. Big or small - any prayer would be greatly appreciated. And please still go and visit the bloggers I've listed in this post. I think you will like them.

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I am under the weather and without much energy. I almost cried at the thought of having to write a post, which is odd for me. But I so did not want to miss out on "There and Back Again". So instead of writing coherently about the blog posts of others, I am simply going to direct you to those blog posts.

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There and Back Again - Unfinished

It's late in the day to be starting a blog post. I have not felt well and each time I have thought of writing, something in me just recoils. I don't know if I am experiencing rebelliousness or my attitude problems about other things are creeping into my writing. I would have just let it go, but I keep remembering that I had already started the process for There and Back Again, and if I did not write, it would be one more thing unfinished.

I might as well confess: I am royalty amongst The Unfinishers. There is so much that is unfinished in my life. Without even spending much time to inventory, I can think of these unfinished things:

There and Back Again - Grief

I want to draw a picture for you. I want to show you what this hole in my life looks like. It is similar to the astronomical phenomenon of a black hole. It threatens to pull everything around it into its total darkness.

I want to find a way for you to hear what I hear. The rushing wind that seems to come from behind me. It pushes me towards this black hole. Shhh... can you hear it? It whistles a lonesome noise as if it has been devoid of companionable solace forever. 

I want to grab your hand. I want to ask you to form a human chain holding hands. Grab hold of something solid and hold on so that you can keep me from being forced by this tempest into the dark nothingness.

I want you to know of my fear. This fear that is so strong it brings on physical reactions - near to fainting sometimes. What I fear is that if I get pushed into this blackness there will not be any way back.

Source

There and Back Again - Wordiness

I have been wanting to try "There and Back Again" with Charity for several weeks now, and this looks like my chance. I cannot promise I will do this every week - to do it correctly takes some work - but hopefully when I do participate, it will be a fruitful endeavor.

Since this is my first "There and Back Again" effort, I will give you the guidelines so you will understand what I'm trying to accomplish. From Charity's blog:

1.) Choose another High Calling Blogger to visit. Or if you are a High Calling blogger, just visit someone else in the blogosphere and encourage them to join THC. It can be someone you have "met" before, or do what I do, and work your way through the "Member Posts" section of thehighcalling.com to meet someone new.

2.) Visit his blog, digesting the message until it becomes something that you can write about.

3.) Go back to your blog and write about it, being sure to link to the post that gave you the idea so that your readers can visit, too.

4.) Add the button below to your blog so your readers know you are participating in "There and Back Again."

5.) Go back to the your friend's blog and leave a comment so he can feel the link love!

6.) Complete the journey by returning here, to Wide Open Spaces, and enter your link so that we all can benefit from the new High Calling connection you have made.

 Got it? Good. Let's begin.

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Unless you count one post in 2008 and five posts in 2009, I really have only been blogging since June of this year. Sometime this week I passed the 100-post mark without any fanfare. Throughout most of those 100 posts, I have been worried. I write what I feel God is leading me to write in the only "voice" that I have. Yet, I want so badly to please others and be liked. So I worry.