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If I stand all alone, will the shadow hide the color of my heart;

Blue for the tears, black for the nights fears...

The star in the sky don't mean nothin' to you, they're a mirror.

I don't want to talk about it, how you broke my heart.

If I stay here just a little bit longer,

If I stay here, wont you listen to my heart, whoa, heart? 

I don't want to talk about it, how you broke this ol' heart.
(Danny Whitten)


***

I am known for being talkative. I am known for being a wordy writer. I am known for always have something to say - always having a story to tell. I am known for telling people that it is okay for them to ask me personal questions. Ninety-nine percent of the time I give an answer, with plenty of detail at that.

Taking all of those things into consideration, I find my current situation uncomfortable because I just don't want to talk about it. I cannot even remember the last time I did not want to talk about something.

I know that God has asked me to write about my life for His glory, but tonight I just do not want to. I've been sitting here for hours trying to find reasons that I should be allowed to tell Him "no". It is now the wee hours of the morning and all I can think of is that I just do not want to write about things that are so raw and fresh. I do not want to admit that people have hurt me and I certainly do not want to admit that my emotional and mental responses to those hurts have been sick, sad, and dangerous to my well-being.

Five Minute Friday - Connected

On Fridays around these parts we link up with Lisa-Jo and we stop, drop, and write.

For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.

For only five short, bold, beautiful minutes. Unscripted and unedited. We just write without worrying if it’s just right or not.

Won’t you join us?

1. Write for 5 minutes flat – no editing, no over thinking, no backtracking.

2. Link back here and invite others to join in.

3. Most importantly: leave a comment for the person who linked up before you – encouraging them in their writing!

OK, are you ready? Give me your best five minutes on:

Connected…


Go

Connected? I don't feel connected at all. And that is the saddest thing. There are so many people who love me and want me to know/feel that. They want to be connected to me. Amazing that they do, but thankful for that. 

I know why I am disconnected and it scares me and pisses me off a little bit. My eating disorder is in full swing right now. I have deprived my brain of so much nutrition that it is not making sense anymore. It scares me and yet I feel powerless to stop it. Charles - dear husband of mine - has found a way for me to get help. I guess other people helped find the place, but Charles is the one who negotiated and finagled to make it happen.

I will start treatment for me eating disorder on Monday. I won't be inpatient, but I will be there 10 hours a day and it is about a 30 minute trip each way. So I won't be here - connected to all of you - as much. But we can stay connected if we pray for each other, right? I hope so. I surely hope so.

That's all I've got. Hope it was 5 minutes.

Stop

As always, I'm linking up with Lisa-Jo, the Gypsy Mama, and the rest of the gang for Five Minute Friday. Definitely go check out what other people are saying over there!

Evil Chocolate Bunnies and Taking Care of Your Body

Greetings and felicitations to you, my five readers! (We are up from three last week!) 

For those of you who forgot to bring your Bible, I have conveniently copied and pasted the text for today's musings from BibleGateway.com!

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

New International Version (NIV)

¹⁹ Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; ²⁰ you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.

Ah! Honor God with your bodies. This verse (and any verse remotely resembling it) has been used throughout my life as a teaching for why we should not drink, smoke, or hang out with loose women. (so my Dad says) And it has also been used as an excuse to try to get me to eat broccoli and tofu (but not together). 

Where is that verse from the Apostle Paul when you need it? Something about "I do the thing that I do not wish to do". Anyone? Anyway... I have always wished to obey the things written in the Bible. Maybe my motivation was legalistic in nature, but it was still my motivation. We have already spent some time in a previous post on how I did not honor God with my body when it came to men. But right now I am thinking about how I have not honored God with my body as it relates to my eating.