Somebody That I Used To Know

As people are getting settled into the new year, learning to write/type 2012 instead of 2011, and catching up with friends they hadn't seen over the holidays, I have noticed something that should be odd. I say "should" because it is familiar and wholly unsurprising to me, but my friends find it odd.

My friends have been talking about their holiday family gatherings. They mention seeing extended family. I hear about the traditions that they have been keeping since before they had memories. I have seen photos of several generations of a family gathered in a house you would not think could hold that many people. I have heard about my Northern friends' snowy encounters and my Southern friends' warmer pastimes. 

What seems odd to some of my friends is that I heard from almost none of my "close" family. A stark difference from when we, along with many members of our extended family, used to make a big deal out of Christmas. We even had a tradition of going to the Christmas Eve gathering of the whole community. This year there were very "close" family members that did not call, write, or text me. And to be fair, I did not call, write, or text them either. There just isn't much connection there anymore, except for faint, poignant memories of what seems like a different lifetime of a different person.


I have struggled to find words to describe this phenomenon until a day or two ago. I was driving around between appointments. I turned on the radio and caught the very end of a song I had never heard before. It struck me immediately that this song said something about my life. The radio DJ said the name of the artist and song, but I only caught part of the song title. While I was at the next stoplight, I wrote it down so that I could remember to look it up later.

That scribble of a partial song title written in pink ink got me where I needed to go. The internet yielded the name of the artist, the title of the song, the lyrics, and the official video. I listened and read the lyrics along to the music over and over and over. And I realized that while the song is actually about the breakup of a romantic relationship, it says several things that are pertinent to the state of my family relationships.

Finally! Finally someone had given me the words I needed to describe what has happened to me and some of my family members. How powerful that feels to be able to identify and own a huge chunk of my life. No more pretense - just the way it is.

For context, I'll give you all of the lyrics, but I the phrases I have turned blue are the ones that mean something to me and my family situation. This is "Somebody That I Used To Know" by Gotye. (video here)

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
Told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness
Like resignation to the end
Always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believing it was always something that I'd done
And I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go 
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know...

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened
And that we were nothing
And I don't even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough
You didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
I guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know

Somebody...

Words. Someone has finally given me the words. Yes, it is sad that my family has come to this pass. But it is so freeing to be able to tell you about it. It is so freeing to not have to pretend anymore that there is something between us. I can live my life honestly and without fear. That is like a belated Christmas present in itself.

They once were my family, but now they're just "somebody that I used to know".

Thanks, Gotye.